The Stories We Tell

Where in your body are you holding on to old stories and beliefs about yourself?

If you get quiet, take a moment to sink into your breath, and just be with yourself. What stories live within you?

They can be hard to catch, as they have become such an automatic way of living. Our stories become our filters through which we see the world and ourselves.

It can be a feeling, a pain, a sensation, a cycle of repetitive thoughts.

Where in your body are you holding on to old stories?

About your worth, about your lovability, about your “enoughness”.

For me, I find a lot of my old fears tend to reside in my belly. A discomfort, a fear of not being enough. An old story that has been with me for a very long time. It is a story that dictates how I view myself and the world around me. It steers my life, by pushing me to make decisions that sustain it.

My whole life, I believed my worth was conditional and dictated by the people around me. If I could just be good enough, be perfect, say the right thing, be the “good girl”, kept quiet, kept the peace, then maybe the people around me would see me as worthy and enough. If I did good in school, molded into a version of myself that they wanted, I would be enough and worthy. The story is very much alive in me still. It is something I grapple with every day. As I grow and heal, and begin to open up to new perspectives of worth, these old beliefs are challenged.

There is something in there that needs processing. There is a part of me that needs attention, love, and resolution. We live our lives in constant worry and fear, thinking we are not good enough, constantly striving. Yearning for healing, yearning for someone or something to tell us we are worthy, but even if they do, we still don’t believe it. Because we are still looking outside of ourselves for the validation and love that we need to learn how to give to ourselves.

When we get stuck in the pattern of seeking external validation, we will never feel enough.

So how do we fix this? What’s the antidote?

Growing up, we looked to the external world to reflect back to us our value, our lovability and worth. And when we didn’t receive that for whatever reason, we internalized the belief that we aren’t quite enough, and that we must do more, be more, change ourselves, fit in, do whatever we can to be worthy in the eyes of others. Because once they see us as worthy, it must be true.

A lifetime of seeking outside of ourselves something that can only truly be found within.

As adults, we play out these built in patterns, over and over, constantly striving to do better, to be better, to be enough in the eyes of society.

But society has blinders on. Everyone is walking around with their own filters, their own trauma-colored sunglasses from their own experiences. We all walk around with filters of belief. Things we learned about ourselves and the world as children, grown into adulthood as solidified truths.

Seeking external validation and worth is a lost cause, because nobody else can actually see you. They are all seeing you through a lens of their own self-doubts, beliefs about the world, and wounds.

As sad as it is, it is rare to find people who can truly see you for you. So why do we strive so much for the validation of others? Why do we change ourselves and mold our unique differences into forms that “fit in” to what those around you see as worthy and good?

We must get out of the pattern of needing to find this validation from others, because that validation is not even a true representation of who you actually are.

The story of needing to seek validation of your worth and enoughness is a tale as old as time. And the only way out of that prisonous cycle is to get to the bottom of why you feel unworthy in the first place. And creating a strong connection with yourself, with your truth, your heart, your soul.

In our heart space, we can access a greater version of ourselves. In this expansive space, we can feel into the unconditional love that resides there. For us, by us. It is a self sustaining love, a never ending flow of unconditional acceptance and support. Feeling into this aspect of ourselves, we can let that energy flow into the spaces within our bodies and minds that hold the story.

Letting the love seep into the crevices, illuminating the stories, saturating the wounds with gentleness. Let your heart heal your wounds. Let your own beautiful soul heal your wounds. See what message it has for you. Listen to the truth. Allow that truth to wash over all the lies you were told, the lies you chose to believe about yourself.

Lay in this truth. Allow it to chip away at your deeply held beliefs. Be curious. Open your mind to the idea that maybe some of these stories are changeable, movable. What truths want to come in to those spaces to take their stead?

I am so sorry you had to experience what it is you went through in your life. I am so sorry you were wounded by a harsh world that couldn’t truly see or love you the way you inherently deserved. I am so sorry you weren’t seen.

Let us hold these aspects of ourselves, these wounded parts with unconditional love. Shining the nurturing light of awareness on them to allow them the space to heal and resolve. Listen to the whispers of what truths your heart wants to share with you. Know that you are not alone, and you have never been alone. You are old enough now to take care of yourself in the way you need. You can give these parts of you the love they deserve, the space they need to heal and speak.

If we want to be free from the old stories that run our lives, we must give space for the wounded parts of ourselves to express, be held, and let them know it’s going to be okay. You are going to be okay. You are strong. You are connected. And you are empowered now to take your life back, choose to nurture yourself, and understand that you are loved infinitely.

You have got this. And if you need support navigating these waters, it is wise to seek out a trusted therapist who can help hold you through the process. We aren’t meant to do these things alone. We need support. We need someone to reflect back to us our strength, our power, when we are in vulnerable spaces. To help us see the unseen bits, to reveal to us patterns that we weren’t even aware that we held.

I see you. I hear you. And I am so proud of you for taking the reigns of your life, to bring healing to the spaces within you that are ready to be seen, and to choose to change the narrative. You’ve got this. And you’re not alone!